Most people don’t think of these two things in reference to spirituality, but they are central to our human existence. It can affect the foundation of our belief system and change our perspective on our past, present, and future. They can affect our relationships, not only with others but with ourselves. It hadn’t dawned on me until, again, at a fair, there was a practitioner whose specialty is intimacy. That is where trust and safety are not only expected but necessary.

I’m not going to start babbling on issues of intimacy. That is not my field of expertise, and I am not about to try to unravel that intricate and complicated ball of yarn. My thoughts on trust and safety are geared toward peer relationships and the connections between mentors/teachers and students. While we often assume or expect a moral code to be in play, it doesn’t always work the way we think it’s going to, and we might have expectations or assumptions about what is included in the code of conduct. 

If you are part of a community, it’s only a matter of time before your reputation precedes you, good or bad. It’s tied directly to whether you can be trusted and if whoever deals with you is likely to feel safe. I have met a few people who stated that having a session with a practitioner has damaged them somehow. Either they made them feel bad about themselves or their circumstances or left them despondent or hopeless. I’ve also met people who have had bodywork done on them, and it was such an unpleasant experience that they refused to let anyone touch them again. I also know people who healers and readers refuse to work on or read for because of their unreasonable expectations. 

These are examples of when trust was given and betrayed. When safety was assumed and expected but not provided. This is a fine line to walk sometimes, as the determination of the result of the interaction is dependent on perception. Perception can be skewed. It’s not accurate. It’s why when people fight, there’s his side, her side, and the truth. Perception allows us to see many things but also prevents us from seeing things.

Whenever you allow someone to do a reading for you or to do bodywork on you, you give them your trust with the expectation of safety. When either of those things doesn’t work out well, there is disappointment, broken trust, and a damaged relationship. Part of the reason for the breakdown is due to communication. Words are often insufficient for conveying what is truly meant. We usually take what the person says literally and miss the intended meaning. We could also misinterpret what is meant by what is said by focusing on one part of what they said instead of looking at the whole message. This is a fun one. I see this all the time at fairs. Someone asks a question such as, “I’m looking for a job in a new field, and I’m afraid I’m not going to find one. Am I going to find one soon?” The answers the readers give usually focus on the fear and never address the likelihood of finding a job. That is all based on perception.  

The point of all this is to show how careful we need to be when evaluating the people, places, and situations where we spend our time. We need to be aware of our biases, strengths, and weaknesses. We need to go into relationships with reasonable expectations, communicate those expectations clearly, and ensure the other person understands our expectations. We also need to understand that not everyone wants to or can meet our expectations, and we need to be prepared to lower those expectations if we want to work with that person or find someone else to work with. Understand what your boundaries are. If you don’t think you have any, now is the time to build some. Without boundaries, you won’t have a clear-cut line to show people what you consider acceptable and what is not. 

Part of trusting and creating an environment where you feel safe is knowing yourself, your boundaries, and when to walk away. It’s recognizing when you feel safe and can trust others. That environment will help you grow to become who you seek to be. The one who can create the reality of trust and safety around you on your spiritual path is and has always been you.