A psychic I know said that most people ask him two basic questions. They were always about getting paid and getting laid. Crude, yes, but accurate. Most of the common questions I get are about money/career or relationships. We all want to know if the thing we’ve been working on for money will pay off or if we will finally meet the perfect someone for us.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to find someone with whom to share our lives. Most of us fumble our way through relationships, making mistakes along the way, some minor, some colossal, but occasionally we hit the jackpot and find someone great. We find the person who will grow old with us while holding hands the entire time.

That’s the image a lot of us have, but it’s not real life for most people. Relationships can be messy. Situations are complicated, divorce happens, and picture-perfect images don’t do us any favors. All of this happens before we even get into the concepts of twin flames and soul mates. Then it can really go to hell in a handbasket.

The terms twin flames and soul mates are used interchangeably, but they are not the same. A twin flame is another soul that compliments the resonance of our soul so much that it feels like they are the missing half. There are beliefs and myths that say that at one time, each of us was torn in two, and the other half of us is our twin flame. The connection is greater than that of a soul mate.

A soul mate is another soul who also resonates with us. This can be a resonance that is good for us or bad for us. We have all met people who would accurately be considered our “partners in crime.” We also have met people who have been good influences on us, people we were comfortable with and trusted without being able to understand why. These are soul mates. Can we find happiness with a soul mate instead of finding our twin flame? Absolutely. We don’t need our twin flame to be happy.

People can become so focused on finding their twin flame or “the one” that they overlook someone who might be great for them. They can become so focused on what their twin flame will be like, according to their imaginings, that they end up losing someone who could have helped them build their ideal life. Then there are those who work on manifesting their soul mates and twin flames and then proclaim to someone they have been dating that they are soul mates and want to rush into the next phase of the relationship before the other person has a chance to process that information.

My advice is that if someone you’re dating says that they manifested you and that you are their soul mate or twin flame, and you don’t feel the same, run. If you don’t know one another that well, it could indicate the person might have feelings for who they think you are, not for who you really are.

When focusing solely on being with a twin flame or a soul mate we do so at our expense. Some of us hold an ironclad view of how it’s supposed to be, and nothing else will do. That rigidity may keep you lonely forever. I’m not suggesting you settle. NEVER settle. Unless you want to, then go for it.

Keep in mind that the Universe still has a Grand Plan, and what you want in the way you want it might not be possible. You might be holding out for a twin flame when the Universe is set to send you an awesome soul mate. With you insisting on finding your twin flame, you block an amazing relationship from coming into your life. You will be whittling away precious time waiting for someone who will never show up.

Another thing to remember is that each soul has its own journey. Your twin flame may have decided to be born in another part of the world, to focus on something else for their growth besides love. It could also be that your twin flame chose to be born before you. By the time you’re ready to be with your twin flame, they could be several decades older than you or several decades younger than you. They could also be born into a body to which you are not sexually attracted.

As far as soul mates are concerned, they are not only love interests for us. They are also other souls that we choose to incarnate with over and over. The person who is currently your sibling in a past life could have been your partner, your parent, or your child. We can turn into cousins, enemies, or coworkers. We agree on what we will be to one another the next time we come into our shared lifetime, or like twin flames, we may agree not to meet at all during our next incarnations.

Some carry the faulty belief that their twin flame is going to be perfect. Hogwash. No one is perfect, not even our twin flames. We are all people. There is a possibility that your twin flame chose to be a drug addict or an alcoholic or whatever you can think of as your worst-case scenario for their next life. Any happiness you derive from that relationship is going to be hard-won, and the emotional toll it will take on you will be brutal. If that’s what you signed up for, good for you, but if it’s not what you want for your life, you might want to examine what an ideal relationship looks like for you because it might not be attainable in this lifetime with a twin flame. There are also many other fantastic relationships to be had in our lifetime. We only need to be open to them.

Desperation is also a factor to consider when your search has thus far been fruitless. It can leave you open for others to influence you. If you want to watch how extreme this need can become and see how high the cost can be in insisting on finding a twin flame, check out Escaping Twin Flames on Netflix.

You deserve love. We all do. State your intentions to the universe with gratitude and allow yourself to be guided to a kind, loving, and supportive relationship. Don’t allow the fantasy of love to give you an unrealistic view of what love is like. Most people who have been in lasting relationships will tell you that it’s not easy. There are compromises and sacrifices to be made, and that they are worth it as long as you get as much out of it as you put into it. Allow the universe to guide you to the best person for you for this lifetime, and enjoy the heck out of it. Don’t fall into the trap of twin flames and soul mates.