Humanity has a tendency to think in very concrete terms. Something is either this or that. It seems true, but nothing is really that way. It always depends on your perceptions and what you believe. I’m not going to get political or moral here. Those are tangled webs that have caught more than one person who thought they were the spider when they were actually the fly. I’m focusing on the concrete thinking we do in regard to ourselves.

We have ideas about who we are and who we’re meant or supposed to be. More often than not, we regret who we are based on the thoughts of who we should or could have been. We also place expectations on ourselves for things we believe we should have accomplished before now. I’m including myself in this mess. I’ve done all of the above and continue to do so. Very often, the conclusion is that we are lacking something important.

The real fun begins when we add another layer of expectation and start comparing ourselves to others. It can become an all-out war on ourselves as we continue pointing out our shortcomings to ourselves, whereas before, we never thought there were any. We encounter all of this if we’re introspective. If we happen to be narcissistic, it’s just the opposite. You are perfect. It’s everyone else who can’t measure up to you. If you lean toward this kind of thinking, this article isn’t for you. For those who often think of themselves as falling short, let me give you something to think about.

We are all different, with various strengths and weaknesses. How we match up is determined by judgment, and the conclusion we come to might not be based on facts. We do love our bullet points, rattling off the list of things we can or can’t do. Ticking off the points with our fingers. It’s those points that are the “evidence” of our pros and cons. There’s nothing wrong with assessing where you are, the problem is that most of the time, the list of cons is longer. I say save yourself the grief and throw out the list.

Try to look at everything from a different perspective. One where we are all different and equal. There’s an and in there, not a but. Using the word but can often designate an exception, an anomaly. Something out of the norm. It’s like saying, ” It was good, but.” There is no but here. We are all different and equal. We are complex beings. There is no way to do a side-by-side comparison of an entire individual. Yes, some people are better than others at doing certain things, but they are also horrible at other things. No one is perfect. I knew someone who was a dancer. She was a great dancer, but she tripped over everything when she walked. See what I did there? You might not be able to meditate while standing on your head, but if you can read text upside down, that’s a check in your pro column.

Any beliefs you have about what you should have done, as in the road not taken, was taken for a reason. It might not have been a good reason. Some of us have lives littered with bad choices, and we live with the consequences of those choices every day and will for the rest of our lives. Not every choice you make is going to be a stellar one, but each choice you make will reinforce the direction you’re already heading or throw you off that direction by a small fraction. The point is to keep your eye on the prize and keep moving toward it. There might be delays or bumps in the road, but as long as you know where you’re going, it makes it more likely that you will get there.

Another point to think about is that while you’re comparing yourself to others, others are comparing themselves to you. For some people, you are the person who seems to have it all together. The person who seems to hold the ideal of what they could be. Isn’t that an astounding thought? You’re pretty great, acknowledge that, but most people, unless you’re a narcissist, don’t think of themselves as being so great at something as to be admired for it. You could be the star of someone else’s comparison chart and not even know it.

There is something to be said here about the difference between being proud of your accomplishments and believing yourself above others because of them. My belief is that if you think yourself to be above others due to your gifts, talents, and skills, you lack the understanding that there is always someone better than you somewhere in the world. If you’re not certain of that, watch the Olympic games. These are the best athletes in the world, but there is only one winner. Only one who has proven that they are the best athlete in that sport. Now imagine if you took that one person, put them in another sport, and had them compete there, how well do you think they would do? Not well, I imagine.

No one is perfect in all things all the time. Every person on the planet is flawed in some way. That’s what makes us human. Regardless of what you can or can’t do, there are things you are greater than, such as you are greater than how you were before. There are other things you are less than, such as the things you’re currently working on and haven’t quite gotten the hang of yet. We are all both of these things. This is why everyone is equal to everyone else. Hold your head up. Be proud of yourself. Be you, flaws and all. Be the greater person you wish to be and less afraid to reach for your dreams