A friend and I have had a conversation many times over the past couple of years about getting older. Neither of us is ready to “settle down,” so to speak, although I do love a good rocking chair. The gist of the conversation is always amazement over the many incarnations we’ve had over our lifetimes. We’ve reinvented ourselves almost as many times as Madonna. When I was younger, I never thought about it, but then, like now, I was always in a state of transition. I know people who have had the same job for YEARS. Some of them have something to show for it, others not so much, but the point is that all of us, at some point, made a transition from where we started to where we are now. Sometimes that was good, sometimes not, but there was a change.

Think back in your own life. When you were a kid, what did you want to be? When did it change? My childhood was rough. I wasn’t one of those kids who ever thought, “One day, I’m going to grow up and be a fill-in-the-blank.” My focus was on being as invisible as I could at home and at school. It remained that way until I went to college. I was halfway through my chosen major before I switched to another and formulated a plan for my life. That plan derailed two years later and hasn’t been the same since.

Subsequently, the universe threw me into the lion’s den of life where I had lots of experiences, met a lot of interesting people, did many different kinds of jobs, some of them at the same time, and moved from my home state to a place I had never been before. When I think back to when I was in college and laying out my five and ten-year plans, I never would have guessed how all that would actually turn out. It makes me both excited and terrified for the next five to ten years.

Back to the conversation with my friend. She was grumbling about all the stuff in her house and how she was trying to organize everything to get rid of what she could. What fascinated me about that was that she referred to it as the remnants of who she thought she would be. There was fabric, musical instruments, art and craft supplies, and some half-finished projects that would never see the light of day. The hard part of getting rid of the things she would never use or do again wasn’t the money spent. Although some hobbies can be pricey, it was that she wouldn’t have that experience again. Never see it through to “the end,” whatever that was supposed to be. There were some things she wouldn’t or couldn’t ever do again. Her life, her health, and her outlook on life had changed so completely as to make those things incompatible with who she was now.

Of course, that got me thinking about my own life and the things I would never do again. Some of those things I was heartily grateful I would never do them again and said, “Good riddance.” Then there were those things that were fun and taught me so many things that my life changed because of them, and if I could, I would go back to those things in a heartbeat. At least, that’s what I tell myself, but would I? There was a reason I don’t do those things anymore, or I would still be doing them, right?

I never wanted to be one of those people sitting in a rocking chair on my porch, rubbing my aching knees while saying, “I remember a time when I…” before launching into a story about the “best” time of my life that I had probably told whoever I was speaking to a hundred times before. There is no doubt that our past can dictate the trajectory of our future, but only if we allow it. I remind myself when I’m waxing poetic about the good ‘ole days that there were things about those days that weren’t so good too. Yes, it was fun, but even Disneyland closes its doors at night, the cast goes home, and the magic goes away.

Things happen. Things change. We change. It’s the road not taken.

Enjoy where you are, who you are, and what you have accomplished. If your list of accomplishments isn’t very long at this point, it doesn’t mean it will never be. It could also mean that you need to broaden your scope on the list. One of the things my friend I had the conversation with has on her list of accomplishments is that she managed to raise her headstrong daughter without killing her or having to bury her. She is proud that the child is now in her thirties, alive and well, and is the mother of a rambunctious little boy. Take your wins when you can. For me, there is the thought that I am no longer that timid kid who used to sit at the back of the class. I still sit at the back of the class, but now I’m one of the cool kids. There are also times when I am the teacher. Who were you then, and who are you now?

If you have the space, keeping things for sentimental reasons is fine. Our past got us to where we are now by imparting lessons we will never forget. It means that we have progressed and will continue to do so. As we leave things behind, we acquire new ones. It’s what makes life interesting. That was then, this is now. Clean out your closets to make room for what’s new. Let go of who you used to be or who you thought you would be to be the most important person you will ever be, which is who you are right now.