In terms of learning and education, I am fiercely independent. I don’t make assumptions about anything, and I don’t trust something someone says until I’ve done enough research to my satisfaction. For that reason, I’ve never had a mentor. I’ve had people I’ve looked up to, sure, but there was no one in my life I trusted enough to go to for everything. The habit has served me well and allowed me to get to know many people with different points of view and psychic gifts. I always encourage others to ask questions, try things out for themselves if they can do so safely, and, most of all, take nothing for granted.

While others may view having a mentor as a weakness or a lack of some kind, I don’t. I would have liked to have a mentor, but the strongest of my gifts was outside the realm of those around me. My teachers were great. They helped me as much as they could and taught me many things that had nothing to do with metaphysics. For the most part, my path has been my own, but before I run off sounding like a lone wolf, I do have some abilities in common with others. My teachers were able to give me guidance on those when I needed it.

Mentors are great. As long as you choose well.

There is nothing wrong with relying on someone to share their wisdom and advice on something. In fact, I encourage anyone to take advantage of it. There is no need to reinvent the wheel unless you like to make things as hard as you can for yourself, then knock yourself out. For those of us who like to travel on paved roads instead of cutting our way through the bushes, following in the footsteps of those who have gone before you is the way to go.

Often when someone takes a mentor, they are willing to do whatever the mentor tells them. That’s good, to a point. If your mentor asks you to do something reasonable for what you’re working on, do it. If it doesn’t make sense to you, ask them to explain why you’re doing it. Remember that whether they answer will depend on their personality and traditions. Some mentors don’t allow students to ask questions. Your job is to do it. Period. This is typically someone training in a shamanic tradition or something intense and specific. That type of mentorship is not really a mentorship but a longer-term apprenticeship.

If you are moving along the lines of a short-term mentorship, with possibly looking at extending it, I encourage you to ask as many questions as you like to understand what you’re doing and why. Gauge their requests not only with your logical mind or heart but also with your gut. If something about it doesn’t feel right, start asking questions. If they refuse to answer or become angry with you, it might be time to find someone else.

Mentorships take trust. You must trust your mentor not to take advantage of you, and your mentor has to trust that you will not take advantage of them either. It’s a relationship established primarily to help you progress, but it is also for the mentor’s benefit. How well you get along and communicate will determine how successful and long-lasting that relationship turns out to be. Keep in mind that your mentor could be a friend, but they might not be. Some of our greatest teachers have been the people who have kept us on our toes or royally pissed us off.

What makes me cringe about mentorships is the potential exchange of power.

After deciding to take a mentor, many people do whatever the mentor says. They give over their power completely and allow themselves to be directed body and soul. This is a situation where abuse and manipulation become possible. This is the realm of cult leaders and their followers. Where impressionable people can be taken advantage of by the unscrupulous. I believe anyone who expects you to give up your autonomy entirely in a short-term mentorship is to be avoided. They start off by being nice to you, making you feel welcome and comfortable, then things change.

I’ve heard of people who were treated in the beginning as if they were the “teacher’s pet” while others were the group’s “scapegoat.” It was only a matter of time before the “pet” became the “goat,” and they would scramble to do whatever they could to get back to “pet” status. This is an abusive situation. If you see signs similar to this within any groups you join, leave immediately.

Great mentors can give you answers, but they will also make you think for yourself. They don’t want you to follow their every word. They want you to think and do for yourself. They want you to come to them when you’re stuck to get guidance on how to continue what you want to do. They will encourage you to decide on what your next step should be. Also, how to stagger the things you’re working on to avoid becoming overloaded or discouraged. They may also sit you down and give you a “come to Jesus” moment when you’re veering off into the bushes. These are things to think about when choosing a metaphysical mentor.