Now comes the interesting part. There are several ways you can integrate the shadow self. It’s up to you how you choose to do it. If you like, you can even blend the styles together as I do.

If you’re ready to work on integration, that means you have already met your shadow self and higher self. You have established a working relationship with them, which are aspects of you. If you’re still at the point where you’re arguing with yourself, now is not the time for integration. The energies are too disparate to do you any good, and you might make yourself sick from the variance in your energy signature. Health happens more readily when our energies are harmonious and balanced. Sickness can show up when our energies are muddled.

The process of shadow work can take time if you have a lot to hash out with the other parts of yourself. Be honest about what each aspect of you wants. There is no point in lying to yourself, you will know you’re lying, and then you’ll start wondering if you can trust yourself. The worst thing we can do is not trust ourselves. Don’t put yourself in that position. Be starkly truthful in the things you want to work out. It’s the only way to get to the heart of things. Don’t beat yourself up about anything. Whatever happened in the past is the past, you can make different choices in the present, and the future hasn’t happened yet. Worry about that tomorrow.

Once you feel you’ve gotten the most out of the process for now, integration comes next.

What I mean by integration is a merging of the aspects of yourself in a more harmonious way. An acceptance and acknowledgment of the strengths and weaknesses of each aspect of yourself. An understanding of where you feel you can grow and change and where the lines you won’t cross are drawn. Keep in mind that all of this is fluid. It can change whenever you want them to and often without realizing that they have changed.

The point of shadow work is to find out where you are and where you would like to be while seriously thinking about the steps you might take to get there. Even if you don’t know what the steps are, you could take this time to suss out what questions to ask to get you to the next steps.

The integration will depend on the agreements you make with yourself. Such as, you and your shadow self agreed that you would not snap at your mother-in-law during Thanksgiving if she brings up an old subject she likes to harp on every year. Your shadow self might want to give her hell, but as it then starts an argument with the whole family, it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. In return, your shadow self wants free rein when it comes to telling off the rude woman at the coffee shop who holds up the line every morning. That could be a handshake kind of deal, and everyone is happy.

It could also be an agreement that you will let the shadow self out to play in constructive ways by spending more time on a hobby or taking up a new one. In return, the shadow self will be still while you’re in boring meetings where you have to pay attention and not distract you with thoughts about a co-worker’s comb-over.

I’m being obvious here, but whatever your agreements turn out to be, it is an agreement that all the aspects of your energy will be in alignment during these circumstances or situations. That you will not be fighting with yourself while something else is going on around you.

Integration can happen with a simple visualization. It can be an image of the three aspects of self merging peacefully into one being that consists of all three. The energy is balanced and evenly distributed. This is the energy signature you want to have. One that is strong and without inner conflict. I’m not going to tell you that it’s always going to be balanced because that would be lying. I promise that life will throw you off again, but once you integrate your energies after all your aspects have had their say, you will feel different. You are creating energy where everything is equally balanced.

This is temporary, but it’s important to align all aspects of yourself. When the work is done, you will have a blending of energies, each with its strengths, weaknesses, wants, and needs. More importantly, each aspect of yourself will have agreed to stick to its defined role in your life. Everyone has to do their part to move you forward as a whole.

Sometimes I see integration as the three of us standing in a circle, then stepping forward and merging into one person again. Sometimes I see it as the three aspects lined up in front of one another, the one in the back, stepping forward, blending into the next, and then once again integrating the third. You can do this any way you want. By the time you’re finished, your energy should feel balanced and stable.

As I’ve said before, shadow work is a life-long process. You will do this again as life puts you through more situations that require you to refine your steps to get through them. It gets easier as time goes on. It becomes like sitting down with old friends to have a cup of tea and think about the future and what role you intend to play in it. That is what it can be like to integrate the shadow self.

In the next blog post, I’m going to talk about what happens when shadow work doesn’t go according to the plan. Like all deep work of any kind, you could end up in hot water if you’re not paying attention.