What the heck is the shadow self? It is your evil twin, so to speak. It is the part of you that really is selfish and self-centered. The part of you that doesn’t care about anyone or anything except yourself.

In the last post, we discussed your beliefs in relation to shadow work. Beliefs can be replaced with more positive beliefs that make us stronger, more resilient, and happier. Your shadow self is something that can’t be replaced. It is you. It is a combination of all the things you don’t like about yourself. It is your pettiness, jealousy, or whatever it is that you wish you weren’t.

No one is perfect. Everyone has a dark side. I spoke a little about this in a previous post. Darkside: Yours and Others. The thing we have to do in shadow work is learning to get along with ours. The thing about our shadow self is that if we try to ignore it and make like it doesn’t exist, that is exactly when it starts acting up.

I was watching a documentary on YouTube about a healer who spent his life helping others and encouraging them to be who they were meant to be. He admitted that it hadn’t been easy to be a faith healer when others were mocking him and his family. Once, he even considered suicide but then changed his mind when he realized how losing him would affect his loved ones. Even the best of us has a dark side. A dark part of their personality that says things or acts out in ways we don’t like but can’t seem to stop.

Most people don’t think about it. If you’re here, you’re thinking about it, or something is prompting you to think about it. It doesn’t mean it’s time to do something about it, but it could be. If you feel it’s time to face your shadow self, how the heck does one do that?

Here is where it gets interesting. How I’ve handled this in the past is by using meditation. I create a comfortable room and invite my higher self and shadow self to attend. I know this is a little weird to think about you sitting down with yourself, but that’s what you’re doing here. You’re going to have a chat with yourself to find out what everybody wants. It’s time to negotiate.

I always bring in my higher self because she is the one who gets to see the big picture of where my life has been, currently is, and where it could go. She also often functions as a mediator. My position is that of the ego, and then there is the shadow self. In other terms, this could be viewed as a discussion between the Id, the Ego, and the Superego or the Superconscious, Conscious and Unconscious states of mind. Pick your terms and go with them. The point is that all three dominant aspects of yourself are offered a seat at the table. It’s time to lay down your cards and show your hand.

What you’re trying to do here is establish an agreement with all aspects of yourself. You want to ask what they want and expect. If you’re having a problem with something, such as working on forgiving something, and you haven’t been able to do it. You can bring this to the table and hear everyone’s take on it. This may seem silly, but you are capable of seeing things from different perspectives and having this discussion with yourself honestly. No judgment here. You can find out where the heart of the problem lies and decide what you want to do about it.

If you trust no one else in the world, trust yourself. This is a chance to open up about how you feel about something, even if you don’t like how you feel. This is where you can talk about all the things you don’t feel comfortable talking about to anyone else and get a different take on it. The objective is not to justify whatever you feel is right. It’s to make sure you find the solution to whatever problem you’re having.

We all get to decide what stance we’re going to take in a situation. Having this round table discussion with yourself allows you to see what other thoughts, feelings, and beliefs might be interfering with or assisting whatever is happening. Remember, this is all you. If you come across something you don’t like, you can examine it and decide what you want to do about it, if anything. You are in complete control of this process at all times. If you’re like me, you will argue with yourself. My higher self is there to remind me not to get hung up on the small stuff because there are bigger issues, such as outcomes and consequences, to consider.

This is to be a deep discussion with everyone’s point of view taken into account, not a come-to-Jesus moment where you get to point a finger and tell them how it’s going to be. Yes, you are the conscious mind, the decision-maker, but you are not the most powerful person in the room. That’s actually your shadow self, the unconscious.

If you’ve ever tried to do affirmations that haven’t worked for you, it’s because your shadow self wasn’t interested. You can repeat things all day long for years. If your shadow self is not receptive, nothing will change. Your shadow self is the one with the power to drive you forward or stop you in your tracks. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You choose.

Sit down with yourself and talk about the things that matter to you. Every part of you wants you to be happy. It’s only that the aspects of you have different ideas of how to make that happen. Having a discussion with your shadow self allows you to know what your actions or reactions are likely to be in a situation and gives you a chance to let it happen or nip it in the bud before it starts.

This process gives you the opportunity to know yourself better than you did before. That is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Next time we’re going to talk about integrating the shadow self. It’s what comes after you take a seat at the table and meet your shadow self.