We all have our talents in regard to metaphysics. Some are better at things than others. We all have instincts, and as we delve more deeply into our talents, we hone them. We use them to help us help others. The only drawback to them is that sometimes they don’t shut off, and it’s important that in certain situations, they do. This is not a criticism of anyone else but a stern reminder to myself. I have a bad habit of seeing everyone else’s situations clearly and simply while I perceive my own as dotted with landmines, pitfalls, ravines, and sheer cliff faces. The truth of it is always somewhere in between, but we never know that until after we’ve done an Indiana Jones to get through it. If you’re not old enough to know who Indiana Jones is, look it up and find out what you’re missing. 

Back to the instinct business and friendship. We all have friends, well, we do if we are vaguely social, and those friends have difficulties, some more complicated than others. We want to help our friends, don’t we? Of course, but sometimes we go too far. People are where they are and while we stand outside as they describe something to us, we have to understand that we have a perspective they don’t have, can’t see, or don’t want to see. Everyone does things for a reason, we don’t have to know what those reasons are. Even if we ask them, they might not be able to tell us. Somewhere deep inside us, we always know the reason. As people who work with energy, we know it’s there. The question becomes, are we ready to face it? Often the answer is no.

People are not always ready to face things, and we as their friends need to respect that and leave it alone. Pushing only makes people resentful. It makes them dig in further. I have a friend. He’s had the same problem for years. He’s got a habit that, on the surface, is not a bad thing, but it’s beyond a casual hobby and has become an obsession. We’ve talked about it, but of course, it goes in one ear and out the other. Part of me wants to push, but of course, I’m reminding myself by writing this that pushing doesn’t work.

What is someone supposed to do then? The answer is NOTHING. At least not on the surface. You can send good thoughts, good energy and pray for that person if you’re so inclined. I have to keep reminding myself that I’ve done all I can do for that person on a physical level. It’s now disrupting my equilibrium to see that person suffer, which means it’s time to let it go. It might mean letting go of that person.  That sounds cruel, I know, but if you’re living with that person and the issue is making your life hell, you have to change it, not for them, but for you.

Back to my friend. I don’t live with him, thank God. But I have been with him when his habit asserts itself, and while I had vowed to lay off him about it, one day I saw something I had never noticed before. I watched while his hands twitched nervously as he stood there searching for something to catch his eye. My instinct said that his whole body was exhibiting need. This was not something he wanted to do, it was what he NEEDED to do. 

I wanted to smack him in the back of the head and tell him to snap out of it, but of course, I didn’t. It’s not my habit to beat people as much as I might have a burning desire to do so. I watched my friend who is genuinely a kind and loving person, struggle with a need so deep that it drove him relentlessly. That need keeps him from making more friends. His attitude about it drives what few friends he has away, including me. 

There are times when I don’t see him for weeks, and I can’t say that during that time, I miss him. I don’t. I do when we meet again, but during, I don’t give it a second thought. Maybe that’s mean of me to say, but I’m going for honesty here. I don’t intend to sugarcoat stuff. If I do that, I will never come to terms with the fact that for so long, I have habitually ignored my own feelings to accommodate the feelings of others. I’m not saying that we should never accommodate others. If you don’t, you’ll soon find yourself in an empty room talking to yourself. I’m saying that we need to acknowledge our feelings, whatever they are, and do what is best for everyone concerned, and sometimes that means walking away.

We would all like to believe that we shit ice cream, but we don’t, and our feelings are not always like pink cotton candy. We all have a dark side. In metaphysics, we talk about embracing our dark side. So many people, even ones in the field of metaphysics, want to ignore their dark side while back-stabbing other people. It’s both sad and highly entertaining. The point is to embrace your dark side, acknowledge it and work with it so the bitch won’t take over when you least expect it. From my perspective, my friend’s dark side is running the show while he’s looking the other way.

Sometimes we can intervene hence the term intervention but if you’re going to do that, be willing to fight for the long haul because anything that needs an intervention is going to take a long time. I’m not doing an intervention. Not happening. Why? Because I am tired of fighting. I have been fighting my whole life. I don’t want to do it anymore. There are days when I don’t even want to fight for myself, much less anyone else. Another reason is that he refuses to fight for himself. He knows what he needs to do and has the resources to do it. He’s locked in a self-punishing cycle that no one can break but him. I love the guy, and if he would ask for help, I would give it in a heartbeat, but he refuses. I can’t tell you how much that frustrates me, but again, no pushing. 

What is the point of all this rambling I’ve been doing? It’s to state the obvious that relationships can be complicated, and depending on the participants, it can hell on wheels some days. We all have to think about what we can handle and what we can’t, and under what circumstances. Sometimes we need to forge ahead, kick ass, and take names. Other times we need to stand still and let the storm roil around us. Good or bad, it’s in everyone’s best interest to act in everyone’s best interest, and even when our instincts are telling us what needs to be done, the right answer, for now, is to do nothing.